he wants to bone in the snuggie
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
