The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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