i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
4 words: hood of his car
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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