I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
there's paper in my vomit.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
