She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
