So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
