The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
