so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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