you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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