You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
