Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
