worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
