just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
