3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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