I would go down on you faster than GM stock
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
