so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
