You're completely useless in the revolution.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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