Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
