I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Well I just put wine in my tea
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
