so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
