A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
