She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
i now understand why vodka
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
