I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
