Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
