I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
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