On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
