the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
