i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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