Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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