so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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