If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
