shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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