GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
