Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
