the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
