Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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