Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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