Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
