when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
