He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
