if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
