literally had 100 drinks last night.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
