Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
