Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
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