They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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