I think my fart just growled at me.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
