just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
