My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
