so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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