You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Randomize
