It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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