i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
