tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
