Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
